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There are a lot of video games on Steam, as I'm sure you've noticed. A lot of them are excellent, but most of them are actually really terrible. But which ones are the most terrible, you might wonder? I'm here to provide you with the answers you seek.
Using the excellent aggregation website Steam 250, which collects user reviews for all games on Valve's digital storefront and assigns them a score, I've rounded up what you - the everyday gamer - believe to be the absolute worst of the worst Steam has to offer.
To be clear, this is not based on my opinion - this is what you think. In other words, please don't yell at me if your favourite game is on here. Although I highly doubt your favourite game is on here.
If you're into video games, you'll probably be aware that developer Peter Molyneux has a habit of... over-delivering. While I'm forever grateful to him for helping to create the likes of Fable and Black & White, it's no secret that he will often bite off more than he can chew.
GODUS is perhaps the best example of this. Originally funded on Kickstarter and billed as the spiritual successor to the Black & White series, it's a "God simulator" that ultimately falls short of the many promises it makes. Definitely avoid, and stick to Black & White 2 if you want to see Molyneux at his best.
How do you mess up a series as beloved as Rollercoaster Tycoon? Glad you asked! Take the basic concept of a Tycoon game and make it needlessly complicated and horrible to navigate. For good measure, make sure that it suffers from a bevy of serious performance issues like constant framerate drops and unexpected crashes.
It's worth noting that Rollercoaster Tycoon World has since been greatly improved via a number of updates, but it's still a weak game that will have to live with the legacy of a disastrous launch. Not unlike many of the games on this list, actually.
I must confess that I had never heard of GASP until today, but it's clear I wasn't missing out on much.
Dark Day Interactive's 2015 release is a space exploration game in which your only real goal is to walk around and enjoy the vibes. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but when your chill walking simulator is plagued with invisible walls that stop you from freely navigating such open environments, you have a problem.
Another game let down by the fact it clearly wasn't ready to release.
"Identity is a new breed of massively multiplayer online role-playing game where hundreds of players interact in a world of absolute freedom," developer Asylum Entertainment Inc. excitedly exclaims in the Steam description. "It's the actions of players which determine your fate and the fate of the world you live in."
Sounds good, right? Obviously it's not, though, or it wouldn't be on this list.
You won't be surprised to learn that Identity did not deliver on any of these promises, which is why nobody is talking about it or playing it all these years after its launch. One user actually went so far as to describe it as the Fyre Festival of video games, which... well, if you know, you know.
It feels hard to believe that a studio capable of brilliance on the level of Psychonauts 2 could find itself on this list, but I guess Spacebase DF-9 really is that bad.
The idea is certainly promising enough: you build, upgrade, and maintain a base floating out in the middle of space. Keep your explorers happy, defend them from raiders, and generally manage resources. Nice, right?
Alas, Spacebase DF-9 was plagued with performance issues that rendered it virtually unplayable for many. There are mods that greatly improve the experience, but when reviews are saying the game feels like it was abandoned halfway through, you know you should probably swerve.
As with almost all of the games on this list, the idea behind Kinetic Void is admirable enough. Badland Studio envisioned a game in which you can build a custom spaceship from a highly detailed range of options, and then cut about a sandbox universe exploring and upgrading your gear.
While the game was released in Early Access back in 2014, the lack of no new updates for the last few years has led many players to the conclusion that Kinetic Void has long-since been abandoned. In other words, people paid for an unfinished product that will never be finished. Yikes.
Proof that even the best series can go horribly wrong somewhere down the line. Command & Conquer 4: Tiberian Twilight seemingly completely misses everything that made C&C special.
Rather than simply evolve and build on what came before, EA Los Angeles completely tore up the rulebook and released a game that was so different to what came before that it probably shouldn't have ever been called a Command & Conquer game. Obviously fans would be more willing to forgive the changes to the formula if the game we got was any good, but Tiberian Twilight is an awkward, unwieldy beast that's just no fun to play.
One of the game's few positive reviews puts it best: "Uninstall works just fine". No wonder just gave us remakes of the original games after this mess.
I've been reading up on Uriel's Chasm for the last 20 minutes and I'm still not entirely sure I could tell you what exactly it's supposed to be. It's clear Rail Slave Games had lofty ambitions for this "metaphysical" game within a game about "finding god", but the overwhelmingly negative Steam reviews lead me to believe it did not succeed in finding god, or any kind of success.
I suppose they can at least take comfort in the fact that Uriel's Chasm is so badly regarded that it's earned a kind of infamy. That's something.
Flatout 3: Chaos & Destruction - AKA when your mum says you have Burnout at home - is not a good game. It is, in fact, the second worst-reviewed game in Steam history.
Previous games on this list were hit with bad reviews because of poor performance issues, sub-par graphics, or broken gameplay. Flatout 3 combines all of these into a sort of greatest hits package of terribleness to deliver a combat racing game that's about as fun as a surprise enema.
"This is a joke," one user wrote of eFootball, which I think sums the situation nicely. "The worst football game I ever played. It simply is a mobile game. The ball weighs 100kg, the contacts between players are chaotic, nothing feels right. It's a shame."
"The only logical and possible explanation for how bad this game is, is that Konami wants to declare bankruptcy or something," added another. "It's equally laughable and sad."
These two comments alone probably tell you everything you need to know about eFootball, Konami's disastrous attempt at reimagining the PES series as a free-to-play title. Proof, I think, that change isn't always for the better.
Unless Konami was aiming to release the worst-reviewed Steam game of all time, obviously. In which case: well done, I guess.
Featured Image Credit: Valve
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