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Resident Evil Village is boldly going where the series has not gone before: it's set in the middle of Snowy Wilderness, Nowhere; it's bringing back scary castles and creatures from folklore; and it's got a very tall lady who is making players feel things. Lady Dimitrescu's height is an imposing nine feet, six inches (or almost three metres if you like the metric system). Numbers are all very well and good, but how tall is Lady Dimitrescu actually? Here are seven things for a point of reference.
Almost all basketball hoops found in gyms, parks, and gardens are 10 feet above the ground. Literally, the only reason why they are specifically 10 feet high is that when the sport was invented, peach baskets were used as "hoops" and they were placed on the railing of the running track at the YMCA gym. The railing was 10 feet high, and that was that. For the same effect, you could swap Lady Dimitrescu's hat for a hoop (or peach basket, someone in the village must have one) and get buckets, though I have an inkling she wouldn't take too kindly to this.
The average height of an artificial Christmas tree is seven feet, five inches. As Lady Dimitrescu is a little taller than the tree, this would ensure that decking the many, many, many halls of the castle during the festive season would be a breeze. Don't get me wrong, I love the lights, paper chains, baubles, tinsel, the whole shebang, but it is a faff to get it all out of the attic and put it all together. And put it all together to look nice overall, not like it's been dragged through the cupboard under the stairs backwards (which it might have been). However, Lady Dimitrescu is obviously a discerning woman, and I think she'd do a cracking job when it comes to Christmas decorations.
Here comes the question of practicality, Capcom. Your extremely tall and extremely graceful vampire character won't fit in a regular bed. She won't fit in a double, nor a Queen size bed. No, the only option for Lady Dimitrescu is that she must sleep on a custom-made King size mattress, and it is presumably made from silk and angora wool. The four poster frame itself is pink ivory, of course, inlaid with swirls of silver leaf on its intricate designs on the headboard and poles. And, funnily enough, she always sleeps with at least seven velvet blankets. By the way, I'm making all of this up, but come on Capcom, I can't be far off?
One of the most iconic vehicles in the world, the mental image of Lady Dimitrescu contorting herself to drive this little car around the village is frankly magnificent. At 13 feet long, it's also the longest-running and most-manufactured car of a single platform ever made, so it's possible that she has one of the original models of the Bug. Expectedly, it's probably one of her most prized possessions, and she spends hours upon hours polishing its frame til it shines. Perhaps she was drawn to the Beetle because she and her daughters are able to summon insects in their attacks. It's all rather wholesome now, isn't it?
Anybody want a peanut? Not only was André René Roussimoff a prolific professional wrestler, he also starred in a number of TV shows and movies. His best performance (if you ask me and you haven't but I'll tell you anyway) is in The Princess Bride, as the good-hearted giant Fezzik. It's on Amazon Prime and it's a very entertaining movie with a stacked cast. Anyway, could Lady Dimitrescu find a career in the arts? Well, she's a vampire, which means that makeup and costuming wouldn't be any trouble: her skin is frozen at the age that she was transformed and she must have a wardrobe for every era she's been undead for.
A komodo dragon is roughly as tall as Lady Dimitrescu, if you held it next to her. It would be one mean feat though, as this animal may weigh up to 70 kilograms, and are the largest species of lizard on the planet. The people of Komodo Island call it ora, buaya darat which means "land crocodile," and boy, do these reptiles live up to their name. They have 60 serrated teeth that are each about an inch long, and their modus operandi is to ambush prey by biting the throat. If the prey escapes, it's no matter, as their excellent sense of smell allows them to track down a dead or dying animal from up to 10 kilometres away. All in all, we've learned that Lady Dimitrescu and a komodo dragon have much more in common than originally thought.
Danny DeVito is four feet, ten inches. If we had the technology and the facilities to clone Mr DeVito (and if we did, it should be our only priority), then two DeVitos make a Dimitrescu. The same effect could be achieved by asking Mr DeVito to hold a cardboard cutout of himself on his shoulders, but it simply wouldn't be as electrifying or as expensive as the mad science required to clone him. Plus, there would be double the Danny DeVitos! Maybe one of them would be evil, created by genetic experimentation by a shady corporation, and they would call him the... T-Vito. I'll say no more, this is multi-million dollar franchise territory we're encroaching upon.
Resident Evil Village comes to PC, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Xbox One, Xbox Series X, and Xbox Series S on May 7th, 2021.
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