If you'd told me a few years ago that one day we'd be getting a live-action Sonic the Hedgehog movie, I'd have laughed you out of the room. And if you'd told me that the trailers for that film actually made it look like a pretty decent movie, I'd have called the police to have them forcibly remove you from my presence.
But if you'd told me that the Sonic move would be getting an official anthem called 'Speed Me Up'? And that the song would boast lyrics like "ladies love my speed" and "Stayin' in my lane, best friend named Tails"? And that it was a collaboration between Wiz Khalifa, Ty Dolla $ign, Lil Yachty and Sueco the Child? I'd assume your sense had long since abandoned you.
Well, much like Sonic, life comes at you fast. So it is that 'Speed Me Up' is, against all odds, a real song that you can listen to now. Please listen to it now. I need to make sure other people can hear it and that it's not the result of some really weird fever dream I'm having.
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My dumb jokes aside, it's not a bad song. Not really my cup of tea, but that's my problem. My only reservation with it, really, is that I never saw Sonic as a hip-hop hog, you know? Growing up with the Sonic Adventure games, I always saw him better represented by cheesy af pop punk with a dash of nu-metal. Stuff like 'City Escape' and 'Live & Learn'. Hell, pop-punk giants Bowling For Soup wrote a song for Sonic Unleashed - and it was great.
To be perfectly honest, I feel like Crush 40 should have done the main theme for the movie. Those guys have been writing straight fire/cheesy rubbish (depending on your opinion) for the Sonic franchise since the days of the Dreamcast. Alas, it was not to be.
Sonic the Hedgehog will Wiz (heh) into theatres next month, on February 14th. My doubts about the new song aside, I'm genuinely looking forward to dragging my wife to the cinema on Valentine's Day for what I think looks like a genuinely fun film with lots of dumb comedy and Jim Carrey turning in a vintage Carrey performance.
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I haven't told my wife that's what we're doing on Valentine's Day yet, by the way. If you're reading this, surprise, I guess.
Featured Image Credit: Paramount Pictures