Yes, it is real. OnlyCans is a free game that parodies OnlyFans, where the objective is the object of your affections: in th instance, a range of refreshing yet passionate fizzy drinks.
Shize, the fictional company in the game, offers sessions with their entire entourage of flavours and the player must court the can successfully in order to be introduced to the next drink. I've played OnlyCans, and the best way I'm able to describe the experience is like a rhythm game. The player is a photographer, and in their erotic shoot with the can, they must hit well-timed left and right clicks in order to satisfy the beverage's desires. Left click snaps a photo of the can, which is rendered in a glorious high quality sheen, and right click causes the can to fizz and spray a little.
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As aforementioned, if you're quite the dab hand at a game of detonator, the can will become bubbly with excitement with each correct click. Your performance is scored from F (for "Flat") to the coveted S (for "Sparkling"), and at the end of the session, the can will explode its contents everywhere. Additionally, every can is voiced, so they'll reward your clicks with euphoric "oo"s and "ah"s. I didn't have headphones when I played OnlyCans last night, so I headed upstairs to spare everyone the second-hand embarrassment. Upon reflection, my disappearing off with my sexy cans game in tow probably looked very odd.
If you want to give it a whirl, the game is available for free through its itch.io page. There are 29 cans in total, and they boast their own personalities, as well as preferences. For example, Juicy Melon has a penchant for anime, Dance Dance Revolution, and J-Pop, but cannot stand phone calls or beer. They're not alone, to be honest. Alternatively, Elderflower is targeted towards Romanian palates, and they are a "classy brand" of Shize who loves to be amongst flowers in the forest. Paradoxically, they hate direct sunlight, and they're not a fan of garlic. Last but not least, they reside in old buildings overrun by foliage. Wait. Is this a vampire soda?
Featured Image Credit: Sean OxspringTopics: News