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Here in the UK, we are over 100 days into lockdown. That's a sobering though, but for the most part, I think many of us have adapted. Lots of banana bread has been baked, books have been read, and video games have been played. I've even started wearing trousers for my Skype meetings. Progress.
Animal Crossing: New Horizons has, for so many of us, been a lifeline in these troubling times. A welcome distraction in lieu of normality, in which a gentle island paradise is our gateway to friends, family, and obsessing over turnip prices. People have met up in-game for lockdown Birthday parties, weddings, and even dates.
But what happens when your Animal Crossing date is going well? It's a family game, after all. Good news for all you long distance lovers, as Vice has now reported, a visionary by the name of Kyle Machulis has designed a way for sex toys to communicate via your Nintendo Switch's rumble features.
This means that when a character in Animal Crossing triggers a vibration by hitting a rock, chopping a tree, or whatever... it can trigger a buttplug to vibrate and do its thing. Its "thing" being to vibrate while inside you. What a time to be alive.
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"Have you ever been like "Gosh I wish I could use the Intiface Game Haptics Router with a game console"? Asks Machulis on the project's Github page. "Or maybe you just saw someone tweeting a sex toy working with Animal Crossing: New Horizons and were wondering what the f**k was going on?"
If you're feeling particularly randy, you can trigger this in solo play. However, visitors to your island can also spark the buttplug to life through various methods, including trapping you in a hole with a pitfall seed, effectively triggering the good vibes on your behalf. I don't pretend to know how it understands. I'm just amazed that it does.
Machulis tastefully describes thrashing around in a pitfall seed hole as "basically whappin' the orgasm button until someone's done." I guess that's as good a way as any to end a lockdown date.
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