It doesn't matter where you land on the neurodivergent spectrum, sometimes the world can feel overwhelming, to say the least, which can especially be the case when living with autism.
Being an 80’s child, an autistic diagnosis was barely a thing. In fact, I had never heard of autism at the time, and neither had my mother. I have vague memories of her taking me to the doctor on many occasions due to my “unusual” behaviour and habits. Unfortunately, I was simply labelled as a naughty child with an overactive imagination. Yet, as far as I was concerned, there was nothing wrong with me. It was me. However, the world saw me differently.
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At some point in our lives, we’ve probably all faced being bullied for one reason or another. Kids can often be cruel for the sake of it, and perhaps outside of the four walls I called home, other kids could see something about me that I couldn't. Bullying was an everyday occurrence, and even when I thought I was included in activities with kids in my street, I was still excluded for the benefit of their cruelty. I hold no grudge today. After all, I’m a husband and father in my 40s and life has turned out pretty sweet after years of struggle.
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Unbeknownst to me or my mother, I had undiagnosed autism and I wouldn't get the diagnosis that helped me make sense of my life until my 30s. As an undiagnosed 80’s child, I found solace in video games. Often I’d wander miles in an attempt to get to my nearest arcade, causing immense worry for my mother. Trust me, as a father today, I can only imagine the stress it would have caused for seven-year-old me to be caught wandering miles away from home just so that I could play Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But as an undiagnosed autistic child, I was just going on an adventure to play video games.
Thankfully, in an attempt to stop me from wandering the streets, my parents eventually purchased me a Spectrum 128k. Ironic, given my eventual diagnosis. My mother said that the Spectrum 128k (which died and was replaced by a Commodore Amiga 500 just weeks later) was for “homework”. But who was she kidding? The computer was used for the now retro goodness of Dizzy Treasure Island and Bubble Bobble. I would spend countless hours in my room playing my Commodore Amiga 500. Sure, it wasn't ideal being cooped up in my room, but from my perspective, it kept me safe from harm that would await outside my four walls.
There are a lot of things that can trigger an autistic “meltdown” (for the lack of a better term). It could be uneasy situations in the home, bullies, or even something as mundane as a slight break of routine. Don’t get me wrong, a change in routine can rattle the best of us, but when that routine is broken or an appointment is cancelled suddenly, it can mess me up for the rest of the day. It’s something that I call an “autistic brain frazzle”. It’s hard to explain, but if you’re autistic, you’ll likely know exactly what I mean.
When those frazzles would unexpectedly strike, it was video games that would help me untangle my brain, and provide the exact amount of comfort that I needed for that very moment in my life. When I eventually got my autistic diagnosis, a lot of things were pieced together and made sense in my life. Thanks to the lack of government support that is provided to autistic adults, I would find my own way. While far from a complete success, I mostly learned what things may trigger my episodes. However, long before I even knew that autism was a thing, my best coping mechanism was there all along.
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Over the years and depending on the console generation, my comfort games would change, though the original Resident Evil 2, Silent Hill 2 and Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater will always remain my go-to's. Nowadays, I often find that exploring open worlds away from the main story offers the most comfort, especially when things feel too overwhelming. Whether it’s Breath of the Wild or Elden Ring, nothing beats putting on a headset and going on an adventure from the comfort of my sofa.
Recently, we had unexpected guests pay a visit who wanted to bring their new dog into our house. This wouldn't have gone down well with our own cockapoo, Pippin. Instead, they remained outside while my wife chatted away. That unexpected but seemingly non-stressful scenario had my brain saying “Nope” in a big way. So instead, I instinctively put on a headset and started exploring the city of Yakuza: Like a Dragon.
From the outside, it may have looked very ignorant on my part, and perhaps that’s true. However, being on the autistic spectrum and constantly struggling with unexpected situations, my brain was too frazzled to deal with the unexpected visitors, no matter how ignorant I may have appeared to be. Those who live with autism whether it’s directly or knowing a close family member will know that struggle. I bet many of you not on the spectrum could relate too.
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At this stage of my life, I doubt my autistic coping mechanisms will change all that much. That being said, no matter what surprising situations life may throw my way in this hectic world, I will always find comfort in my beloved video games and I hope that it does for you too.
Featured Image Credit: Nintendo/SEGATopics: Breath Of The Wild, Capcom, Real Life, Resident Evil, Retro Gaming, Sega, The Legend Of Zelda, Yakuza, Resident Evil 2