Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is the most ridiculous creation of all time. Its massive roster of characters (74 in the base game, 85 with DLC) still honestly looks to me like the kind of fake screenshot that would have done the rounds on Reddit back in 2011. Cloud, Bayonetta, and Minecraft Steve all in one fighting game alongside Link, Samus, and Mario? Behave.
We have reached the point where it seems literally anyone can show up in Smash Bros, to the point where I probably wouldn't even bat an eyelid if Sakurai started the next fighter presentation by winking and producing a picture of my nan.
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As you probably know, there is just one DLC fighter left to be revealed, and that'll (probably) be the end of it. We're not exactly sure when this final contender will be announced, but speculation is rife. Will it be Master Chief? Waluigi? My aforementioned nan? We just don't know.
Still, in the interests of going in completely the opposite direction to anyone else, I decided I'd throw out some characters who will almost probably never be announced for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate instead of focusing on who might make the cut. That's my grand contribution to the discourse. Enjoy it.
Charmy Bee (Sonic The Hedgehog)
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You probably vaguely remember Charmy Bee from Sonic Heroes. You might recall finding him deeply irritating. You're only remembering him now because I mentioned him, and you will go back to forgetting he exists in a moment.
Tony Hawk (Pro Skater, Man)
I'm just assuming Activision owns the rights to Tony Hawk's likeness and soul at this point, so maybe Sakurai needs to get Bobby Kotick on the blower and let Tony Hawk kickflip into battle.
My Uncle Who Works At Nintendo (Fake Relative)
I have an uncle who works at Nintendo who says Sakurai has had a few meetings about putting him in Smash Bros. We could have a ton of alternate skins for this one so as to represent all the uncles that work at Nintendo.
The Adoring Fan (The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion)
Bethesda
It seems strange to me there isn't any Bethesda representation in Smash yet, and we'd all love to punch The Adoring Fan in the face, would we not?
Gex (Gex)
Gex.
Turk From Scrubs (From Scrubs)
Not to be confused with Donald Faison, who plays Turk from Scrubs. Turk From Scrubs would be a powerful fighter that uses surgical precision and fire dance moves to obliterate the competition.
Goku (Dragon Ball Z)
I just put this one on here to annoy people, to be honest.
Abby & Lev (The Last Of Us)
Naughty Dog
I see Abby & Lev as playing a bit like the Ice Climbers, but with less cartoony joy and more battered golf clubs covered in the dried blood and salty tears of their enemies.
Blinx the Cat (Blinx)
This one wouldn't be impossible given that Microsoft and Nintendo are best friends now, but I'm not too sure if Microsoft remembers it owns Blinx. The overwhelming lack of new games since 2004 would suggest it does not.
Zack Snyder (Twitter)
If Zack Snyder wants to get into Super Smash Bros. Ultimate as the final DLC fighter, here's what he needs to do:
- Ask his fans to start an incredibly lengthy and vocal campaign on social media.
- Wait for the phone to ring.
Who do you think will be the next Super Smash Bros Ultimate fighter? Have a good think about and then go and tell someone else via the social media platform of your choice, because I'm only interested in shitpost-worthy suggestions such as all of the above.
Featured Image Credit: NintendoTopics: GAMING, News, Nintendo, Super Smash Bros