A quiet moment these days isn't exactly hard to come by. I mean, most of us have them coming out of our ears during these extended periods of lockdown. Deciding what to do with those quiet moments, however, is increasingly becoming a more difficult task.
It was during one of these solitary junctures that I decided to load up FIFA 20 and get a quick fix of the beautiful game. I hadn't played since mid-March when the Premier League was put on an indefinite hiatus, and it hadn't occurred to me to grab a quick game on the PS4 - because, y'know, everything else. Less than two minutes into my first match though, and something felt very wrong.
Far from being relaxed or revelling in the bouncing, digital atmosphere of my beloved Anfield, a deep feeling of sadness hit me, a Mexican wave of emotions reverberating around my head as I tried to make sense of it. Did I miss football? Yes. Would Liverpool be crowned champions of the Premier League 19/20 Season after 30 agonising years? Unequivocally (hopefully) yes. Would football ever be the same again? I have absolutely no idea. And that kinda sucks a lot.
The current official stance is that the remaining 92 games of the Premier League season will go unplayed until a time when it is "safe and appropriate" to do so. It would be naive of fans to think that the extensive social distancing measures currently in place will be relaxed enough to allow clubs to fill their 50,000-capacity stadiums the moment they're slackened, to say nothing of if they will be relaxed by any significant amount by the next season, let alone this one.
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The best possible scenario we have at the minute puts a vaccine for COVID-19 at 12 to 18 months. That's if everything goes our way. A vaccine mind you, not a cure. As for what all this means for the future of football... At the moment, a general disassociated shrug seems to be the correct answer.
What's going to happen to FIFA titles is an entirely different matter. EA have built their yearly business model around slight tweaks and changes to reflect the ever-evolving nature of the game. Things like new player hairstyles, kits, stadiums, chants, transfers etc are all based on the yearly cycle. If global economies and societies don't recover to their fullest, some clubs might not even be here after all is said and done. And big clubs, at that. The money to save them, while monolithic amounts in some cases, is not infinite. So does that mean FIFA 20 will be the last playable reminder of what football used to be, for months or years to come? I think, possibly, yes.
There will of course be the argument that this could be a blessing in disguise for fans sick of EA's practices when it comes to yearly releases and constant shoehorning of loot boxes into the games. After all, you can't spend money on a hot Team Of The Week card pack, if there hasn't been a team of the week. Unless, of course, you're planning on making it a solely Belarusian team. (BATE Borisov do have some tasty players right now.) Something does have to give when it comes to Ultimate Teams, and now might be a time to change that particularly controversial practice.
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But career mode will remain a uniquely melancholy reflection of the good times. Where Martin Tyler and Alan Smith banter harmlessly about football nonsense of years gone by; their chatter blissfully unaffected by the shitstorm that is coronavirus. Cristiano Ronaldo will bend in impossible goals from all angles, Pep Guardiola will gesticulate wildly from the sidelines, and Southampton will continue their baffling resistance to slip into the Championship despite a decades-long death knell. Booting up a career save to watch it all play out, unaware of its own striking disparity to the world's current situation, is a double-edged sword.
Ultimately, I think I have to look at my own misery with somewhat cynical eyes, and ask, "Does this really matter, you great big cry baby?" The recovery of people with the virus is paramount, as is the health of those battling to save them. Football doesn't even rank on a top 10 list of things to be upset about, when the world is so turned upside down. Even less so digital football.
While we deal with such uncertainty, I think I'm going to continue to find it difficult to play FIFA 20's career mode, no matter how desperate I am to feel the soft kiss of the football again. Escaping for a few hours seems like a poisoned chalice, a bittersweet experience that stirs too many emotions. Like Harry Potter's Mirror Of Erised, it shows us nothing less than the deepest and most desperate desires of our hearts. But this mirror gives us neither knowledge nor truth. Men have wasted away in front of it, even gone mad on a cold, rainy night in Stoke. I daren't even look for my copy of One Night In Istanbul. That might officially be too much to handle.
Featured Image Credit: EATopics: FIFA 20