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Paradox's grand-strategy game Crusader Kings III released in September to some incredibly warm praise from critics. A whopping score of 94 from PC Gamer, and a perfect 5/5 from VG247, have helped it to a Metascore of 91 - which makes it one of the highest-rated games of 2020 (so far). So naturally, I've not played it. It's a strategy game for PC, and I only have time for indies on Switch.
Anyway, Paradox updated Crusader Kings III three days ago, and in doing so added the Ruler Designer, which allows players to customise their own kings and queens. And wouldn't you just know it? Reddit is now full of famous faces - or, kinda, approximations of them - and near-countless horrors that push the game's character creator tools to the very extremities of poor taste.
Some creations, so far, are pretty obvious. Good! But obvious. It was inevitable that we'd see Tywin Lannister and Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. (We've spotted a Jaime Lannister, too.) But Nicolas Cage? Not so much.
This take on Lord Maximum Farquaad, from the Shrek movies, is a work of art. Take a bow, u/Hallunur. And this exaggerated design by u/frankcostanzasloyer, based on Prince Charles, gets our royal seal of approval, too. Fans of The Crown, take note.
Trawling through the Crusader Kings subreddit since the introduction of the Ruler Designer option soon enough throws up some true horrors, though. (Shout out to PCGamesN for highlighting some of the best and worst, too.) IDK if Handsome Squidward counts as a horror, exactly, but I don't think anyone needs their monarch to pump out ink whenever they're a little frightened, do they? Or turn to a fast food franchise when they need a career change? Anyway, he's a bit of a looker, if you're into such things.
This Mewtwo, however? Get it out of our sight, immediately, and forever, please.
And then there's this. What is this? How could someone make this? After the Assassin's Creed Valhalla kids and their nightmarish visages, we thought we were safe for today, from evil sights on this cursed internet. How wrong we were. Kill this, with all of the fire you can muster.
Players of Crusader Kings III can find the DNA for any of these creations, and use them for themselves - though quite why you'd want to, with half of them, is beyond me. Obviously, Ruler Creator can be used to design all manner of real-world kings and queens, dictators and tyrants, and players have been doing that, too. But, be fair - none of them are as, um, special, as Handsome Squidward.
Featured Image Credit: Paradox, Reddit
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